Blatter: World Cup Doubts Just So Much (Health-Threatening) Blather

FIFA boss Sepp “Capo di Tutti” Blatter, who was honored yesterday with an doctorate of philosophy at the Nelson Mandela Metropolitan University – in the Nelson Mandela Metropolitan Municipality, or NMMM, formerly known as Port Elizabeth, or PE, and what a bloody mouthful! – used his new credentials to philosophize about jackals like RW Johnson, who cast doubt upon South Africa’s ability to host the 2010 World Cup.

“Johnson doesn’t know what a mistake he is making,” said Blatter, with a glint in his eye that could freeze lava. “At FIFA, we fill knee-deep holes on remote farms with quick-setting concrete, then tell the boys to go race the tractors,” he continued, waving for the cameras. “I have confidence and trust in the organising abilities of the South African government, the South African Football Association, the local organising committee and the South African people. Together, with Fifa, we will organise a good World Cup.”




The above paragraph, it need not be pointed out, is strictly NOT TRUE, in ANY SENSE, except for the last sentence, which is what Blatter actually said upon receiving his degree. South Africa is thrilled, of course, to have his continued patronage. The 2010 World Cup is only 48 months away!