97% of South Africans Already Living in 2010

According to a new poll by African Response (one of the young tigers in the brave new world of South African polling), 97% of South Africans woke up this morning and had their breakfast of porridge and tea in the year 2010.

The other 3% of us were still plodding along in 2006, troubled by a vague sense of anticipation around a few games of soccer to be played shortly in Germany.

Reports from the year 2010 – broadcast from the tiny town of Sutherland, whose deep-space telescope can see that far ahead – are fairly rosey. Cape Town’s gargantuan new stadium – the political shenanigans that hindered its construction long behind it – not only has a retractable roof, but can actually hover 15 feet off the ground, and has been declared one of the seven wonders of the world. It’s due to float over to Brazil in four years’ time, for the 2014 World Cup.




The national squad, meanwhile, has been renamed, from “Bafana Bafana” to “Master Harold…and the Boys”, having been taken over by Oscar-winning director turned football coach Gavin Hood (of Tsotsi fame). The team has been drawn in the so-called “Group of Life”, alongside Saint Kitts and Nevis and Vanuatu, which gained entry to the tournament by virtue of the fact that they are shortly to disappear from the Earth, swamped by rising sea waters, and so attracted FIFA’s pity. Diplomats from both nations plan to petition Cape Town authorities for use of the city’s stadium as a back-up island between 2010 and 2014, which could lead to an ugly tug of war. Against such opposition, it is expected that Hood and his charges will take South Africa into the Cup semi-finals at the very least.

  • Read more on the state of mind of SA’s ninety-seven percent vis-a-vis its three percent: click here.